1 Choice, 8 Feelings, 90 Seconds
I had the opportunity of listening to the highly regarded expert psychologist, master clinician, innovative thinker, trainer, and TED speaker, Dr. Joan Rosenberg , and I was blown away by her knowledge and the information in her newest book 90 Seconds to a Life You Love. It is a “how-to” guide on navigating the most difficult emotions and ways to gain resilience, strength, and confidence towards them. Her methods came down to 1 choice, 8 feelings, and the 90 seconds right after the experience.
1 CHOICE: Choosing into a feeling of awareness, to be fully present when experiencing these negative emotions. No outside distractions such as social media, tv, or other people. Ensure awareness over avoidance.
8 FEELINGS: The eight negative emotions are sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, and frustration. These are the emotions that happen when things don’t turn out the way you want them too.
90 SECONDS: After something negative, in the first 90 seconds, a rush of biochemicals such as serotonin and dopamine go into the body that make your body have specific reactions. Some examples of this are heat in your face when you get embarrassed. Sadness causing a heaviness in your chest. Anger and clenching your jaw. Everyone’s are unique and there is no right or wrong. It is learning how your body reacts and what emotions comes with those reactions.
***If you can learn how to ride this bodily sensation WAVE when it hits , you can gleam so many insights about the emotion, why you feel it, and how to handle it.***
I want to continue and focus on what Dr. Rosenberg discussed about VULNERABILITY. A very profound statement being that it is the Trojan Horse of the eight negative feelings. What that means is it typically is accompanied by AT LEAST one of the other negative emotions when it is experienced.
Dr. Rosenberg’s example was about an individual moving into a new profession. With this type of conscious vulnerability, you are willingly opening yourself up to be hurt or to learn. You are taking a RISK by choosing into learning that new skill. The vulnerability and uncertainty can lead you to feeling sad or frustrated or other negative emotions all at the same time.
The strategy of riding this vulnerability wave is being able to tolerate and brave the emotions. The KEY is seeing yourself as capable of riding ALL the waves. You can do this by engaging in self reflection and giving daily affirmations of persevering through life’s hardships. This gives you more expertise into yourself, promoting positive change or development, making the next hard situation and life EASIER!
Resources:
Dr. Joan Rosenberg: https://drjoanrosenberg.com/